“Tonight I listened to a voicemail you left me three months ago.
In it, you told me to go fuck myself.
I still remember that night.
I still remember those words rolling off your tongue so gracefully.
I remember wondering how someone so beautiful could be so cruel.
Two months ago I called you at three A.M.
I expected you to ignore it, or to send me to voicemail;
those were two of the things you were best at.
You answered and I felt my heart begin to race;
you probably thought it was because I missed you,
but truthfully it was because I didn’t expect you to answer,
and because I really had to pee.
I asked you how you were and you sat there quietly and confused.
It was like you forgot that I existed and that I was once a part of your life.
You told me “fine” and I smiled.
That was the last conversation we had.
I made sure to let go of you, and every negative word that was said, in a peaceful way.
Fast forward two months, and I still wonder how you are.
I still wonder how your dog is and if you’ve seen any good movies lately.
If you ever heard me say this, you’d probably blush like you used to whenever I said something sweet. 
You’d probably think I think these things because I still love you, that I still want you.
But that is not the case.
You see, six months ago I was jumping through hoops to please you.
To make sure that you were happy before myself.
To make sure that I was the one causing your happiness.
But it is not six months ago.
It is now.
And now I simply remember you as a person I gave my soul to.
A person I told secrets to at 4am and fucked to feel a sense of closeness.
A person I loved, yes. 
But it is not six months ago.
It is now, and now I miss you.
I miss the way you called randomly just to ask how my day was.
I miss the way you seemed to care, even if you didn’t.
I miss the friendship and the secrets and the stories.
And maybe one day things will be different.
Maybe you’ll call me on a Tuesday afternoon and ask how my day was.
These are the things I think about before my eyes slowly close and I am finally rewarded with sleep.
But for right now?
Go fuck yourself.”

~ from tumblr

20 things about me:

1. I’m not a morning person, thus I don’t eat breakfast.
2. I like arts & crafts especially if it involves using scissors.
3. I know how to ride a bike but I don’t know how to balance anymore when I need to turn.
4. I live so far from work that it takes 2-3hrs travel time and I can’t sleep when travelling.
5. Majority of the movies I’ve seen on the cinema are cartoons.
6. In college, I dropped out of Literature because the professor wants us to sing before getting our classcard.
7. I have a cat named Prince.
8. Generally, I’m not fond of babies/kids, especially when they are crying.
9. I have a tattoo design ready for years but hasn’t found the courage yet to ink it.
10. Milk is my kryptonite.
11. My vision is 500/550 and I’ve been dependent on contact lenses since graduating from college.
12. I have high tolerance for spicy foods.
13. I am afraid of anyone touching my nails, so no mani/pedi service for me, I do my own nails since high school.
14. I still live with my parents in the house I bought for them.
15. I can draw but I can’t sing and dance.
16. I prefer the Harry Potter series million times over Twilight.
17. So far, I’ve only been to 7 countries.
18. My onshore boss calls me Tequila Girl.
19. Christmas is my fave holiday, only because of the songs & cold weather.
20. I am pink.

“Just because we don’t talk anymore, doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten about you. It doesn’t mean that I no longer care. Truth is, I still do. I do my best to check up on you, to see how you’re doing. To see if you’re okay, but every time I get the urge to talk to you, it suddenly hits me that, we’re strangers, you don’t want me in your life, hence the reason why I’m no longer a part of you. But, even though everything’s changed; I just want you to know that, I’m still here. I’ll still be here for you, I’ll still lend you my shoulders and ears. I don’t care what time it is, what I’m doing. Don’t hesitate to talk to me, because half the time, i wish that you were talking to me. I just really miss your presence, I miss you being my best friend, I just miss you in general…”

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends – they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything – they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them – actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soulmate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.”

~ Marilyn Monroe

“I am not an easy person to love. Some days I will whisper how beautiful you are while planting gentle kisses all over your body. You will giggle and try to fight me off and in that moment my heart will have never felt so light.
But other days when my mind is a storm cloud threatening to explode, I will be a bundle of emotions that I cannot quite keep contained. I will be cold, distant, and you will look at me like I am not the same person you fell in love with.

I am a broken light switch. My moods flicker without anyone flipping me on and off. I wake up each morning and wonder which me you will encounter that day. I always hope it is the one who makes you want to stick around.

I am not easy to love. But what I need you to understand is that whether there is a war waging inside of my mind or I am the kind person that you adore, I will always love you.

I will love you in the morning. I will love you when you cry. I will love you when I am angry. I will love you when you’re being stubborn. I will love you when I don’t even love myself. I will love you.

I know that there will be days when you want to give up on me but I am asking you, please don’t. You see, you are the only one who has been able to settle the storm inside of me before I even realize it is surfacing.

I am not easy to love but I promise that I will always put up a fight. And I will love you no matter which me my light switch flips on that day.

*from Tumblr

It’s not because I’m fake. It’s because I have a different comfort zone around certain people. I’ll act loud, stupid, be mean to you, act crazy, and do the most stupidest things with you because I’m comfortable around you. But, I can be quiet and shy if I don’t know you that well or we aren’t very close. Just because I act different around certain people, doesn’t mean I’m fake. I just have a different comfort zone with certain people.

~ from Tumblr

“When someone makes you the happiest person and the saddest person at the same time, that’s when it’s real. That’s when it’s worth something.”

“I’m scared of a lot of things. I know I act like I’m not but I can’t help but grab your hand a little tighter during scary movies. I’m scared of drowning and falling and crashing to the ground. I’m scared of being swallowed whole. I’m scared of forgetting. So when this burns out and falls apart, I promise not to forget the way you mumble my name in your sleep if you promise not to forget the way my lips tasted when you kissed me that night in the middle of summer.
You fell in love with four girls before me. You’re going to fall in love with a lot more after me. I don’t mind when you steal all the blanket, but the redhead you meet in a coffee shop, the one who kisses the life out of you and writes bad poetry will. Try to remember to keep her warm. You make me burn. Wipe her tears when she cries and don’t listen to her when she tells you she hates you. She doesn’t mean it. I never mean it.
Baby you’re so absentminded. Someday you’re not going to want me around to remind you, so please try not to forget all your doctors appointments. Try not to forget to study. Try not to forget that I loved you. Try not to forget that I love you.
You can call me when you feel yourself falling apart. Even after you break my heart you can call me. I know one night it’s going to rain too hard and I’m going to come crawl into your lap and kiss you and you’re not going to kiss me back. And I’m going to look at you and you’re going to look away. And then you’re going to whisper that you don’t think you love me anymore. But I promise not to delete your number. I promise to put you back together. Call me when you snap.
I think you should stop smoking cigarettes. I hope the next girl who falls in love with you will love you so hard that the smoke dissolves from your lungs and maybe you won’t need your Marlboros anymore. I’m really sorry that I wasn’t enough to stop you from lighting yourself on fire.
I know that you get sad late at night. Especially when you can’t see the stars very well. Don’t forget about that little spot in the park we go to. The place where you walk up the hill and climb over the bridge because we’re not really supposed to be there, and we find ourselves on the little ledge overlooking the river. I always feel okay there. I hope you do too. Toss matches into the water. I know how you like to light you sadness on fire and watch it burn out in the waves.
I hope you still listen to all the songs I played for you years from now. I hope you don’t forget the way we used to scream the words to Molly by The Front Bottoms or the way we would hum along to I’ll Try Anything Once by The Strokes. I hope that you smile and think of me when you hear them. I hope you smile
I know you hate breakfast but please try to eat it. It’s good for you.
Don’t throw away the letters I wrote you last winter. I know that after this ends, they won’t matter anymore. Maybe for a little while, reading them will hurt. But eventually, my words won’t mean anything. You won’t even be able to hear my voice whispering the words dotting the pages in your head. Don’t throw them away okay? Don’t throw me away.
When you’re out shopping, i hope you still see things and think of me. I hope I still cross your mind sometimes. I hope you miss me a little. Even when we’re both over it all and it doesn’t hurt anymore. I hope you still remember how happy we were. How happy we are now. We’re so fucking in love. We won’t always be.”

~ letters for when we fall out of love by sophie @extrasad (via cybergirlfriend

“when she was 7, a boy pushed her on the playground
she fell headfirst into the dirt and came up with a mouthful of gravel and lines of blood chasing each other down her legs
when she told her teacher what happened, she laughed and said ‘boys will be boys honey don’t let it bother you
he probably just thinks you’re cute’
but the thing is,
when you tell a little girl who has rocks in her teeth and scabs on her knees that hurt and attention are the same
you teach her that boys show their affection through aggression
and she grows into a young woman who constantly mistakes the two
because no one ever taught her the difference
‘boys will be boys’
turns into
‘that’s how he shows his love’
and bruises start to feel like the imprint of lips
she goes to school with a busted mouth in high school and says she was hit with a basketball instead of his fist
the one adult she tells scolds her
‘you know he loses his temper easily
why the hell did you have to provoke him?’
so she shrinks
folds into herself, flinches every time a man raises his voice
by the time she’s 16 she’s learned her job well
be quiet, be soft, be easy
don’t give him a reason
but for all her efforts, he still finds one
‘boys will be boys’ rings in her head
‘boys will be boys
he doesn’t mean it 
he can’t help it’
she’s 7 years old on the playground again
with a mouth full of rocks and blood that tastes like copper love
because boys will be boys baby don’t you know
that’s just how he shows he cares
she’s 18 now and they’re drunk
in the split second it takes for her words to enter his ears they’re ruined
like a glass heirloom being dropped between the hands of generations
she meant them to open his arms but they curl his fists and suddenly his hands are on her and her head hits the wall and all of the goddamn words in the world couldn’t save them in this moment
she touches the bruise the next day
boys will be boys
aggression, affection, violence, love 
how does she separate them when she learned so early that they’re inextricably bound, tangled in a constant tug-of-war
she draws tally marks on her walls ratios of kisses to bruises
one entire side of her bedroom turns purple, one entire side of her body
boys will be boys will be boys will be boys
when she’s 20, a boy touches her hips and she jumps
he asks her who the hell taught her to be scared like that and she wants to laugh
doesn’t he know that boys will be boys?
it took her 13 years to unlearn that lesson from the playground
so I guess what I’m trying to say is
i will talk until my voice is hoarse so that my little sister understands that aggression and affection are two entirely separate things
baby they exist in difference universes
my niece can’t even speak yet but I think I’ll start with her now
don’t ever accept the excuse that boys will be boys
don’t ever let him put his hands on you like that
if you see hate blazing in his eyes don’t you ever confuse it with love
baby love won’t hurt when it comes
you won’t have to hide it under long sleeves during the summer
and
the only reason he should ever reach out his hand
is to hold yours”

~ Fortesa Latifi – Boys Will Be Boys
(And Why That Is The Stupidest Thing You Could Ever Say To A Little Girl)